


Good Immortal

by CardnialCopiaReadsYourSlashToRepent



Category: (My) Immortal: The Web Series, Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternative Universe - My Immortal, Crack Treated Seriously, Crowley is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, Crowley's Flat (Good Omens), Goths, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, If you're scared to read this then your not alone, M/M, Queen - Freeform, References to My Immortal, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, preps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-24 21:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20021662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CardnialCopiaReadsYourSlashToRepent/pseuds/CardnialCopiaReadsYourSlashToRepent
Summary: Hi, my name is Crowley Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I am a snake (that's how I got my name) with long red hair that reaches my shoulders and golden-yellow eyes like limpid suns and a lot of people tell me I look like David Tennant.(AN: The Good Omens Parody of the infamously terrible' My Immortal' by Tara Gilesbie.)Warning: so so much spelling gore. This is based on the worse fanfiction in existence, so beware, its shit.





	1. 1-5

**Author's Note:**

> Read 'My Immortal' the other day and thought I could see Crowley in the wonderfully goth wizarding world of Tara Gilesbie. Hopeful this is on the nose and terrible and I hope you enjoy. BTW I'll try my best to keep up the spelling errors but it bothers me immensely so I might default to my normal conformist prep self.
> 
> Here's the OG fic if you want to dive into this terrible, no good, very bad story:  
> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/1/My-Immortal

**Chapter 1.**

AN: Special Fangz (get it, cos Im snek) 2 my bf(ew not in that way) Jesus, LordSavior777 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Angel ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! QUEEN ROX!

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Hi, my name is Crowley Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I am a snake (that's how I got my name) with long red hair that reaches my shoulders and golden-yellow eyes like limpid suns and a lot of people tell me I look like David Tennant ( _AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here_!) . I'm not related to Freddie Mercury but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a Demon but I don't have horns and I'm not red. I have pale white skin. I'm also a major gay, and I got to the park called St.James in England where I've been hanging out for the past fifty years (I'm six thousand). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there and Amazon. For example today I was wearing a black blazer with matching blouse and black slacks, darkened shades, and snakeskin boots. I was wearing Kat-von-D lip gloss, tan foundation, black eyeliner and nude eyeshadow. I was walking outside of St.James. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about, even though I'm snake. A lot of preps stared at me. I put my middle finger at them.

"Hey Crowley!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was...... Aziraphale!

"What's up Angel?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. 

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_An: Is it good? Plz tell me fangz!_

**Chapter 2.**

AN: Fangz 2 LordSavior777 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I kicked off the covers of my Egyptian silk bed and drank some wine from a bottle I had. My bed is black ebony and inside it was red velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my bed and took of my giant Velvet Underground t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on my usual black suit, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black knee-high socks on. I put on four pairs of sunglasses, and put my hair in a kind of messy braid. 

My friend, the Lord _(AN: Jesus dis is u!)_ woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his long waist-length brunette beard and opened his forest-green eyes. he put on his John Deacon t-shirt with a white robe, sandals, and golden holy braces on each hand. We put on our makeup (Two-face and Anastasia Beverly hills like a true sister!)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Aziraphale yesterday!" he said excitedly. 

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like the angel?" he asked as we went out of the extravagant apartment and into the street.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah, right." he exclaimed. Just then, Aziraphale walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what?" he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Queen are having a concert at the Ritz." He told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking God!" I screamed. I love Queen. They are my favorite band besides, Velvet underground.

"Well.... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

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**Chapter 3.**

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPS OK! udderwise fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reviews! FANGS AGEN JESUS! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Queen.

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On the night of the concert I put on my black cowboy boots with a stiletto heel. Underneath them were well-used black socks. Then I put on a slightly gray shirt with a black vest with ruffles and stuff on the back and front. I put on matching black gloves on my hands. I slick back my hair and made it look shiny. I felt a little depressed then, so I prayed to satan. I read a depressing book while I waited for the prayers to fall on deaf ears and listened to some Styx. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some cherry chapstick. I didn't put on foundation beacause I was pretty anyway. I drank a Róse so I was ready to go to the concert. 

I went outside. Aziraphale was waiting there in front of my Bentley. He was wearing a Journey t-shirt (they would be playing at the show too), baggy khaki pants, white nail polish and a little highlighter. _(AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer da glossy lok)_

"Hi Angel!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Crowley." he said back. We walked into my super cool Bentley (the license plate said AJC666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Queen and Steve miller. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up an down as we listened to Queen. 

"Dinning at the Ritz,

We'll meet at nine,

precisely,

i will pay the bill you taste the wine.

Driving back in style in my saloon 

will do quit nicely," sang Freddie Mercury _(I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song)_.

"Freddie is so fucking hot." I said to Aziraphal, pointing to him as he sung, filling the Ritz with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Aziraphale looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked the angel sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said."Besides I don't even know Freddie and he's going out with Jim fucking Hutton. I fucking hate that little bitch." (not cause I wasnt jelly or anyfing) I said disgustedly, thinking of his dumb ugly moustache.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Aziraphale. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Freddie and John for their autographs and photos with them. We got Queen concert tees. Azira and I crawled back into my Bentley, but I didn't go back to my apartment, instead I drove the car to......................... A.Z.Fell Bookstore!

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**Chapter 4.**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok Crowley's name is CROWLEY nut mary su OK! AZIRAPHALE IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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"ANGEL!" I shouted." What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Aziraphale didn't answer but he stopped the Bentley and he walked out of it, I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Crowley?" he asked.

"Waht?" I snapped.

Aziraphale leaned in extra-close and I looked into his heavenly blue eyes (he was wearing colored contacts we all know his eyes are brown) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and bastardness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then............ Suddenly just as I Aziraphale kissed me passionately. Angel climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly agains a bookshelf. He took of my suit jacket and I took of his clothes. I even took of my blouse. Then he put his thingie into my poop-shooter and we did it for the first time.

"Oh!Oh!Oh!" I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then....

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"

It was...........................................................................................Gabriel!

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**Chapter 5.**

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Gabrel swor is coz he had a headache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sex! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good reviews!

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Gabriel made and Aziraphale and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Aziraphale comforted me. When we went into the back room Gabriel took us to Sandalaphon and Uriel who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the bookstore!" He yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Uriel.

"How dare you?" demanded Sandalaphon.

And then Aziraphale shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!"

Everyone was quiet. Gabriel and Uriel still looked mad but Sandalaphon said. "Fine, very well. You may both go back to your respected apartments."

Aziraphale and I went outside while the angels glared at us.

"Are you okay, Crowley?" Aziraphale asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went back to my Car and drove home, brushed my snek fangz and my hair and changed into a black floor length robe with red silk around it and black bat slippers. When I came out.....

Aziraphale was standing in front of the Bathroom, and he started to sing "We are the champions" by Queen. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be here. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly flew out of the apartment.


	2. 6-10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys wanted it, so here's some more. I think my writing style is scared because of this fic, watch me, it's going to get worse.

**Chapter 6.**

AN:shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

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The next day I woke up in my bed. I put on some skinny jeans that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with saddle red all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of sunglasses, snake lapel pins. I spray-painted my hair with red.

At St.James park, I ate a strawberry popsicle that was full of strawberry liquor instead of ice, and a glass of wine. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the wine spilled over my shirt.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying that when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky blonde hair with a frog in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he had dirt all over. He didn't like my glasses but he wore black contact lenses just like me and there were no blemishes on his forehead anymore. He had a manly set of warts on his chin. He had a sexy Cockney accent. He looked exactly like Brian May. He was so sexy my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a celestial and I could have like five dicks if I wanted but I didn't get any you sicko.

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. 

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Hastur frogger, although most people call me Demon these days." He grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love to tempt humans to sin." he giggled.

"Well, I am a Demon." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." i hissed.

We sat down on a bench to talk for a while. Then Aziraphale came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. 

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**Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life**

AN:wel ok guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da next chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL DAMN YOU! Crawley isn't a Marie Sue of he isn't perfect HES A SATANIST! n he has problemz he depressed 4 satan'z sake!

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Aziraphale and I help our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing pentagrams on my nails in red nail polish _(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Marie Sue 2 u?_ ). I waved to Demon. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Angel. Anyway, I went to my flat excitedly with Aziraphale. We went into my room and locked the door. Then.......................

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my shirt. Then I took of my black leather undershirt and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and the he put his boy's thingy next to mine and we HAD SEX _(c is dat stupid?)_

 _"_ Oh Angel, Angel!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Aziraphale's arm. It was the silhouette of a frog with hearts around it. On it in loving angelic writing were the words............. Deamon!

I was so angry.

"You Bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Aziraphale pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted, "You probably have toad-AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and the stomped out. Angel ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so untill I was in Hell where Demon and some other people were having a lesson on the computers by Dagon.

"DEMON FROGGER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

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**Chapter 8.**

AN: stop flassing ok! if you do den u r a prep!

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Everyone in the class stared at me and the Aziraphale came down to hell even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Crowley, it's not what you think!" Angel screamed sadly. 

My friend B'eelzebub mary smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her short raggedy gothic black hair and opened up her dark eyes like the night that she was looking out of. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Beelzebub was kidnapped during the french revolution. She was always was a Fly and a demon but Micheal smited her and she got depressed and commited suicide. Still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed about it. It also turns out her real last name is smith cause of the apple. (since she has converted to satanism she is with us on the bad side)

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Dagon demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored her.

"Demon, I can't believe you cheated on me with Aziraphale!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Crowley was so mad at me. I had went out with Demon ( I'm gay and so is Crowley) for a while but he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Ligur, a stupid preppy fucker. We were good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Aziraphale anymore!" said Demon.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the Hell and went back to A.Z.Fell Bookstore where I lost my virility to Aziraphale and then I started to bust into tears.

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**Chapter 9.**

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn watch red da book! dis is frum da series ok so itz nut my falt if Gabreel swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson Drag doesn't like Hastur is coz shes not gay and demon is gay (BTW shes a lezbean)! QUEEN ROX!

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Aziraphale for cheating on me. I began to cry against the bookshelve where I did it with Aziraphale. 

Then all of the suddenly, an horrible man with mean eyes and a beard-stache and everything started banging on the door with his hands! He had his witch-hunter jacket on ( _basically like Shadwell from the show)_ and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was............ Shadwell!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Shadwell shouted " Stand-still-fucker!" and I couldn't run away.

"SLAM-DOOR!" I shouted at him. Shadwell fell into the shop and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Crowley." he yelled, "Thou must kill Demon Frogger!"

I thought about Demon and his sexah eyes and his gothis blonde hair and how his face looks just like Brian May. I remembered that Aziraphale had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Angel went out with Demon before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, Shadwell!" I shouted back. 

Shadwell gave me a gun. "No please!" I begged

"Thou must!" He yelled. "If thou doesn't then I shall kill thy beloved Aziraphale!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Shadwell got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Demon, then thou know what will happen to Aziraphale!" he shouted. Then he pushed the door open with his hands and went away. 

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Aziraphale came into the shop.

"Angel!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi" he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and his eyeliner into crosses (geddit) between Freddie Mercury and John Deacon. 

"Are you okay?" I asked. 

"No." he answered. 

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." He said all depressed and we went into the backroom together making out. 

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**Chapter 10.**

AN: stup it u heteros if you donot like ma story den fukkk offf! B'eelzebub mary smith is hers name stup flammin abut it.

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I was really scared about Shadwell all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Red Gothic Snakes 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between Queen, Styx and Journey. The other people in my band are B'eelzebub, Demon, Aziraphale, Micheal (although we call her Seraphim now. She has auburn hair with blonde streaks.) and Newton Pulsifer. Only today Aziraphale and Demon were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Angel was probably praying to god (he won't die cause he's the champoin of heaven on earth and the only way you can kill an ethereal is with s-m-u-t _(there's no way I'm writing that_ ) or discorporation. ) and Demon was probably watching a depressing movie like the good dinosaur. I put on my black v-neck that showed off my man meat and some tight jeans that had the word Juicy on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

We were singing a cover of 'killer queen' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Crowley! Are you okay?" B'eelzebub mary asked in a concerted voice. 

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Shadwell came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Hastur! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Aziraphale. But if I don't kill Hastur, then Shadwell, will fucking kill ANgel!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Aziraphale jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" He shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking bitch baby poser!" _(c is dat out of character?)_

I started to cry. Aziraphale stared to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Gabriel walked in angrily! His purple eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. 

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) " Crowley, Aziraphale hasn't been found. He commits suicide by discorportation."


	3. 11-15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got more than 10 good reviews on this so here's another five chapters. One sin or five hundred, I'm still going to Hell so why not go in a legend?

**Chapter 11.**

AN: I sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if it ztupid brw fangz 2 ma friend Jesus 4 helping me!

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"NO!" I screamed. I was horrified? B'eelzebub mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and ran to my flat crying myself. Garbil chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my apartment cause he would like a perv that way. 

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I prayed to Satan. The prayers got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Guns N' Roses song at full volume. I turned on some smut and almost read it to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of my bathtub and put on a low-cut night-gown with lave all over it sandly. I put on black oxfords with cowboy spurs on the back and six layers of cream concealer. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed.... Sandalphon was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Metatron was masticating to it! They were both floating outside my window with there triple wingz. 

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU HOMOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Freddie Mercury on it. Suddenly Demon ran in. 

"Fuckity-offity" he yelled at Sandalphon and Metatron pointing at there wombs. I took my gun and shot the angels a gazillion times they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Gabriel ran in.

"Crowley, it has been revealed that someone has-

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Sandalphon and Metatron then he snapped his fingers and suddenly......

Uriel flew in from heaven and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Uriel? You're just a little cherub!"

"I MAY BE AN ANGEL..." Uriel paused angrily. "BUT I'M ALSO A POWER BOTTOM AND A INCREDIBLE BARITONE!"

"This cannot be." Sand said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Gabreel's power had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Metatron ghosted the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt sober, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough booze. 

"Why are you doing this?" Sand said angrily while he rubbed his dirty miget hands on his pastel suit. 

And then I heard the word that I had heard before but not from him. I didn't know whether to feel shocked and happy or to shot him and eat his heart because I was a little hungry.

"BECAUSE.... BECAUSE...." Uriel said and she paused in the air dramatically, waving her hands in the air. Then swooped she in singing to the tune of a gothic version of 50 cent's candy shop.

"Because you're goffic?" Sand asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant she was connected with Satan.

"Because I love him!"

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**Chapter 12.**

AN: f,aing of Uriel is straight 2 a lot of ppl in England r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no sand iant tall plus Uriel isn't really in luv wif crawley dat was angel ok!

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I was about to pray to Satan again with this lovely book that Angel had given to me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to read it in a true time of need but I knew it was a good omen.

"NO! I THOUGHT IT WAS URiel but it was Demon. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOOO! MY FROG CROAKED!" and then..... his toad turned over! You could only see his white greens.

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my eyes sparkled!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have eyes anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Seraphim changed them into pits for me and I always cover it up in contacts." he said back. "My frog croaked and my eyes sparkled! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Aziraphale............... Shadwell has him in bondage!"

Anyway I was at the bar recovering from being sober. Sandalphon and Metatron and URIEL were there too. They were going to go to Margarita ville after they bothered me cause preps only drink alchol in smoothies and you can't have sickos like that in a bar with a lot of hot people. Gabrieel had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put my middle finger at them.

Anyway Uriel came up to my barstool holding a two of Budweisers.

"Crowley I need to tell u somethnig." she said in a v. serious voice, giving me the beer.

"Fuck off." I told her. "You know I fucking hate Budweiser anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Uriel had been mean to me before for my booze preference.

"No Crawley." Uriel says." These are not budweisers"

"What, are they baritones too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that she had brought me crappy beer.

"I saved your life!" She yelled angrily."No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a porn hub premium short movie made from your bath scene and being vued by Sand and Meta" Who MASTABATED ( _c is dat spels rong_ ) to it she added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angrily.

She snapped her fingers at the buds. "These aren't crappy beer." She suddenly looked at them with an evil look in her eyes and muttered Steve was walking down the street with his brim down way down low.

"That's not any magic words that's an Queen song." I corrected her wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes. Then she screamed. "Fuckada You Doctora who ( _4 all u cool goffic who fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for Jesus I love you boy!)_ imo noto okay!"

And then the Budweiser turned shots of Fireball in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew she wasn't a prep.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Aziraphale?"

Uriel rolled her eyes. I looked into the black glass but I could c nothing.

"U c, crawwley" Gabreel said, watching the two of us watching the drinks. "2 c wht iz n da boozs u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELD OKAY YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Uriel yelled. GAGreel lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

URL stormed off back to heaven." U r a liar, arc angle gabrieeel!"

Anyway when I got drunk I went back to my apartment and put on a black polyester suit that was all ripped on the ends with some frilly bits. There was also some swean stuff on the front. Then I put on my gray scarf and a forever twenty-one shirt with Lead Zepplin on it. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the ring ( _don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!_ ) and I put on my Kat von-D lip gloss and eyeliner. 

"You look Kawai, boy" B'eezelbub said sadly. "Fangs ( _reddit_ ) you do too" I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I prayed to both God and Satan feeling totally depressed and listened as no one answered. I cried again in my bathroom and put up the curtains so Sandalphon and Metatron couldn't spy on me this time. I went back to St.James. Demon was sitting on a bench near the duck pond. He looked all depressed because Angel had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Aziraphale. He was sucking on a chocolate pop from the icecream stand. 

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. 

We both looked at each other for some time. Hastur was deep thoating that choco pop, black unfilled eyes so gothic like Aziraphale's. Then......... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" said an old woman in orange hair walking by. Everyone in the park was watching us. 

"Demon you fucker!" I slapped him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Aziraphale!" I shouted than ran away angrily. 

A ribbit could be heard and Hastur just started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOOO! MY FROG CROAKED AND MY EYES SPARKLED!" and then.... his toad turned over! Exposing his green whites.

"NO!" I ran closer.

"I thought you didn't have eyes anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Seraphim changed them into pits for me and I always cover them up with colored contacts," he said back. "Anyway my frog croaked and then I had a vision of what was happening to Aziraphale........................ Shafwell has him bondage!"

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SPECIAL FANGZ 2 JESUS MY LORD AND SAVIOR WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!111111111111111

HEY JESUS DO U KNOW WHERE MY SCARF IS I 

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**Chapter 13.**

AN: Jesus fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tak ur postr of John Deacon but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGING!

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Demon and I ran up the escalator in Heaven looking for Gabriel. We were so scared.

"Gagriel Gabreeel!" We both yelled. Gabriel came there.

"What is it that you want now you demonic snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Shafwell has Aziraphale!" we shouted at the same time. 

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a _darn_ what shadwell does to Aziraphale. Not after how much trouble he gets into, especially with YOU Crawley." he said while he frowned looking at me." Besides I never like him that much anyway." then he walked away. Demon started to cry. "My Angel!" he moaned ( _AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)_

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. Hastur started to smolder in brimstone tears. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I hissed.

"You'll see." he said. He waved his hands around and did a miracle. Then........ suddenly we were in Shadwell's apartment!

We ran in with our hands up just as we heard a croon voice say "Fuckada You Doctor Who!"

It was........................................................ Shadewell.

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**Chapter 14.**

AN:Fuk off PREPZ ok! Jesus Fangz 4 helpin agen. Im sory ah kudnt update but i wuz derperessd n I had to go 2 Church kuz I was praying so much. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

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WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD

We ran to where Shadwell was. It turned out that Shadwell wan't there. Instead the pilgrim who killed Agnes Nutter was. Aziraphale was there crying holy tears. Thou-shalt-Not- Commit-Adultery Pulsifer was torturing him. Demon and I ran in front of the witchfinder.

"Rid my sight you despicibale preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun Then suddenly he looked at me and Pulsifer fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes.  
"CrowleyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme." he said. (in dis he is little more than 600 yrs old so he not lucifierianist for liking demons)

"Huh?" I asked.

"Crawley I love you will you have six with me?" asked the pilgrim. I started laughing crudely." What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? Satan, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood poured out of him like the chocolate fountain at Golden Korral. Thick and fudgy.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" He screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then the pilgrim fell down and died. I burst into tears sadly. 

"Thou-shalt-not-commit-adultery Pulsifer what art thou doing?" Called Shadwell. Then...... he started comming! We could hear his high heeled boots clacking to us. So I got out my wings and flew back to my apartment. We went to my foyer. Hastur went away. There I started crying. 

"What's wrong honey?" asked Aziraphale taking off his clothes so we could do the dew. He had a sex-pask (geddit cuz he's so sexah) and a huge you-know-what-I'm-talking-about-but-I-really-don't-want-to-type-it-out and everything. 

"It's so unfair!" I yielded." Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other boys and preps in London except for B'eezelbub, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Dear." Aziraphale stated flatly, "You're the embodiment of sin. Lust and vanity play crucial roles in your appearance to attract people to the other side. Besides-" He continued answering, "The other boys are such fucking sluts anyways."

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Sandalphon and Metatron took a video of me naked. Uriel says she's in love with me. Demon like me and now even that old witchfinder dude is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Angel! Why couldn't satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an: don't wory Crowley isn't a snob or anything but a lot of ppl hav told him that hes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL! IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran out of the room. 

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**Chapter 15.**

AN: Stup flaming ok! Btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gonna pray to satan!!! fangz 2 jesus 4 hlpin!

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"Crowley Crowley!" shouted Aziraphale sadly. "No, dear, please come back!"

But I was too much of an ass.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Demon!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my skeleton key. It had a picture of someone who looked like Bonnie tyler on it.I started to cry and weep. I took this expensive german wine I got from the Kieser and emptied it into the sink. I drank some chocolate milk because it is known to reduce stress. Then I looked down at my Queen watch and noticed I was late for a sale at the mall.

I put on a short sleeved gainsboro gray shirt that said 'Your god is dead' on the front in goffik letters and it was all ripped up and a Gucci belt. I unbraid my long red hair. Anyway I went it to my outside feeling sad and depressed as usual. I did sum shopping for shoes. I was trying to get this pair of St.Laurent pumps when they suddenly turned into Aziraphale!

"Crawly I love you." he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker prep and posers fink. Ur da most beatufil boy in the world. Before I met you I used to be lonely and useless. But you give me purpose. You give me something to fight for. I fucking love you!" Then...................... he started to sing "Love of my life" (we consider it our song now cuz we fell in love when freddie was singing it) right in front of the entire store! His singing voice was so amazing and holy and sexxy like a cross between Bruno Mars, Pitbull, and Papa Rouche. _(AN: Don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!)_

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking sales person prep stared at us but I just stuck up my middle finger ( they were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Angel's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Jim Hutton (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and Fredrick Mercury in the Bohemian Rhapsody movie. Then we went away holding hands. One of the stores managers started to shout at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster that Velevet underground would have a concert in the Ritz right then. We looked at each other shocked and then we went 2gether.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support around this! ☺ ☻ It an honor to make this trash and I'm happy that people are actually scared to read it.


	4. 16-20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know If I going to go according to the OG fiction cause it's quite frankly very long, but here are another 5 chapters. There are 44 chapters in the original fiction so we're about halfway there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the first chapters without Jesus' great editing. Beware, there is more nonchalant spelling gore. I'm so sorry.

**Chapter 16.**

AN:u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! Jesus u suk fuken bitch gimme bak mah fukjin scarf us suspd 2 rit dis! Jesus wtf u bich suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 xXPollutionXx 4 techin muh japanese!

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We ran happily 2 Ritz. There we saw the stage where Queen had played. We ran in happily. Velvet underground were there playing 'Sunday morning'. I was so fucking happy! Lou reed looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Angel thought so, I could totally see him taking Lou down to bible study but it didn't matter cuz i knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing my black snake skin cowboy boots with equally black yoga pants and muscle shirt. Aziraphale was wearing a pastel baggy VU t-shirt and khaki pants. Anyway, we started dancing to Sunday Morning. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly Lou pulled off his own face. So did the others. We gasped. I wasn't them at all. It was.,...................,.,,, Shadeswhell and da wich hunters!

"WTF Angel Im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if if its VU n u no how much I lik them"

"What cause we.... you know..." He gadgetted uncomfotbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what-its-this-thing-again-just-pardon-me-and-move-on.

"Yeah cause we you know!"I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Aziraphale promised. "This time, we going with an ESCORT."

"Ew/, don't you think three's a crowd, Angel?" I asked. "So I guess you're poly now or somethig?"

"NO." He muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

"Crawley! I'm not! Didn't mean it like that! Plz come with me!" He fell down to his angelic knees and started to sing 'I'm in love with my car.' by Queen to me. 

I was flattered cause nobody listens to that song anymore cause it's crap. He had to had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

"OK then i guess I will just have to go with you." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went back to hell.

B'eezelbub Mary smith was standing there. "Hajimemashite boyo." she said happily (she spex japanese so do I. it menz something like 'the first time we meet' or 'wolly') "BTW Jesus that fucking poser got crucified. He and his disiples got nailed to crosses on sheperds hill and you will never see him again." _(AN: LordSavior777 U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)_

"Serves him rit, that bloke." I laughed angrily. 

Well anyway we where felling deprezzed. we wutsched some goffic movies like Monster House and Fraiser. "I sure hope Jesus doesn't get resurrected," I said.

"Kawai." B'eezelbub Mair shook her head energetically lethrigcly/ "Oh yeah o have a confession after he died he got put into a tomb and theres tis big fucking rock in front of it. No body's getting in or out."

"Kawai" I commented happily. We talked to each other in silence for the rest of season 2 of Fraiser. 

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with Angel tonight at the Ritz with VU." i sed. "I need to wear like da hottest set of duds this side of the pond."

B'eezelbub mairy smith nodded ENREGeticALLY. "omfg totally lets go shopping."

"In hot topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my special Hot Topic member loyalty card.

"No." my neck snapped around.

"WHAT?" my head was spunning. I could not believe it. "B'eezelbub Mary SMith! Are u a fukjin prep?"

"NOOOO! NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool edgy stores in Soho that's all."

"WHO told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Azira or Anathema or Demon (don't even with that boy right now). Or even possibly me, somehow.

"Gabriel," She sed. "Let me call the elevator."

"OMFFG GABRELL?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah I saw him the other day at an airstrip." She told me. "He recommended a few places for suits.... and drinks."

We were going into an Armani for the concert in the ritz. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN JOHN DEACON EXCEPT HOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he fitted me in a few suits. "We only affiliate with the rich and goff."

"rich and goff?" Me and B'eezelbub mary smith asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday these guys, Sandalphan and Metatron tried to by an exquisite camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they like photography."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAING!" I cried, runniny out of the changing room wearing a black pinstripe suit with gray and scarlet trim around the collar and cuffs with these huge downward face lapels.

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" the salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." Said B'eezelbub.

"You knw what I gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked. "Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him."Hey BTW my name's Crowley dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?"

"Mr. Young." he said and ran a hand through his sparce manly hair. "Maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf Angel you sik perv!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Uriel flew in on her giant white wings looking worried. "OMFG CROWLEY U NEED OT GET BACK TO THE PARK NOW!"

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**Chapter 17.**

AN: I sed stup flaming da stryo! if ur a poor prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz on my homepage. if ur not den u rox. if u r den FOOOOOOOKK UFFFFFFFFFFFFF! pz the lord isn't really a prep. Jesus plz do dis il promise to give you back your convenant for my scarf!

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Mr.Young gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help is wif makeup if he wunted koz he has Jeffree Star's new pallete (hes bishrekual). Uriel kept shooting at us to cum back 2 St.James. "WTF Uriel?" I shouted angriliy. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Jesus came. Uriel went away angrily. 

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." he said.

"Yah but not as Kawaii as you." I answered the lord in a sad tone. No matter how handsome I wanted to be, my appearance always paled to that of the lord. He had a really nice body from his paleo diet and big tits from Gynecomastia. He smokes a lot of kush and it makes him a cool dude to hang out with and write about. Such a sweet guy.

"So r u going 2 da concert with Aziraphale?" he asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm going with Seraphim," he answered happily. Well anyway Aziraphale and Micheal came. They both loking extremely hot and sexah and i could tell they thought we were hut 2. Micheal/Seraphim was wearing a ghostly white holy tunic and tons of Fenty's golden highlighter just like Patrick Star ( not the starfish). Aziraphale was wearing his usual cream suit and blue-ish tartan bowtie, seriously doesn't he dress up for anything, but he did have on checkered vans. B'eezelbub was going 2 da concert wif Dragon. Dragon used to be so called Dagon but it turned out she was kidnapped before micheal smited her and was og a demon. Her captors dye in car crash. Dagon, looking for something better to do than look disgusting generally everywhere, went and picked up satanism as a hobby. She was on the bad side now. We all call her Dragon now. Well anyway we al went 2 my Bentley ( cause we're nothing but rich and goffic) that I got during Blitzkrieg. We did the drug, all of them. Azira and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon get there........... I gasped.

Lou reed was da most normal looking guy eva! He locked the same as he did in pix. He had short-cropped curly black hair n potato brown eyes. He wuz really skinnny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Venus in furs and sum odder songz. Suddenly Lou pulled off his face. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Lou reed at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif a beard-stache.... Every1 ran away but me and Aziraphale. Aziraphale and I came. It was............. Shadwell and the Witch-Finders!

"U moronic spirits!" he shooted angstily. "Crawley, I told u to kill Demon. Thou have failed. And now..................... I shall kill thou and Aziraphale!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his fingers.

Suddenly a gothic angel flu in. He had dyed his hair black and his robes were just ashened with Queen logos. He miracles himself a gun and Shadwell ran away. It was.............................. Gabriel!!!

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**Chapter 18.**

AN:i'm going to say it one last time STEP FLAMMIN!! if u do den your nothing but straight and sad! fangz 2 jesus 4 da help n stuf! can;t do it without ya. Fangz 4 da scarf! ps Gabriel can swar now cause he;s goffic so der!

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I woke up in my glamorously comfortable egyptian silk bed the next day. I walked into the equally as luxurious watershed to put on my selection of the best eyeliners of 2019 from Sephora, specifically my Urban Decay 24/7 Glide on eye pencil and blood bed matte lipstick. My lowcut sleeveless nightshirt was replaced with a black turtle neck with a boob window so I could show off my starve clavicles. I was wearing a padded bra so I'd have more definition to my chest than my usual flat self.

(Da night before Aziraphale and I went to the Hell-tel ( _geddit hell cause I'm a demon_ ). Gabriel chased Shadwell away. We drove back to my place in my decadent, souped up ride. We went back to my room for a little bit of praying the gay way to ariana grande and destiny's child)

Well anyway I went down to this little cafe that my apartment was stacked on for some coffee. There all da walls were painted blackand da tables were black too. But you could see the tea room's ordinary pink wallpaper underneath the pant. And there was pastors of many christian denominations having scones and earl grey.

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'eezelbub mary smith and the Lord. They were both wearing preachers outfits and the whole scene just really throw me off. Demon, Seraphim and Aziraphale came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Niel Gaiman or Terry Pratchet but we couldn't decide because you can't choose perfection over greatness itself. Everyone in the cafe was soon talking about it cause they were all bi.

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Micheal was saying as a gothic man in an up-cut and everything strolled through the door. He was the same one who chased away Shadwell yesterday. He had a great tan to his skin from all the excersice outdoors he does but he was wearing a thick, custard white foudation over it (which in all honesty ruined his natural glow) and he had died his hare black.

".......................................GAGREEL!1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?"I shouted angrily."I thought he was just wearing that to scare Shadewell!"

"Hello everyone," he said happily."As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the other poser tables started to cheer. Well we upper class goths just loooked at each other all disfuted and took the high road, cause if it made him happy then it wasn't in our department to judge him. But we could believe he was a poser as we!1

"BTW you can all call me Gab," HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to the park.

"What a fucking poser!" Aziraphale shouted angrily as we we to the duck pond. We were holding hands. Demon looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic almost demonic sort of way but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" The lord shouted from behind us.

I was so fucking angry.

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**Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise**

AN:i sed stop flaming da story so can yo stop!> ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur mean reviowz!111 BTW crowleys really really gay so step shipn him with B'eezelbub u pervs!1 fangz 2 Jesus 4m da help111

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All day we sat angerly finking about Gabriel. We were so fucking pissed off. That was my favorite spot for coffee besides Starbucks (dunkin donuts are u even in britain??) and he had to ruin it with his pastors and he fucking paint. The wallpaper had been up for half a century and water based acryllics would probably rot the original antique paper underneath. I would never be able to see that again. Well, i had one thing to look forward too - da velvet underground concert. It had been postpohoned, so we could alll go.

Anyway, I was on the streets of Soho all sadly tying to ditch- I mean give B'eezelbub some alone time. Aziraphale was being all secretive. 

I asked what it was but he got all mad at me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitive gay guys so hot).

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his craxy pearl hair and his BROWN eyes went soft with sadness. Like freddie mercury in "Who wants to live forever". He was wearing his khaki suit with a tartan bowtie and his suspenders showed through the tight strech his suit jacket made around his sexah thicc waist. For being someone who eats nothing but moonpies and crepes he had quiet the fiqure. All hips and ass with no belly or muffin top. It's almost like someone photo edited his body to look like a younger more lean Micheal sheen. 

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled. I was the special snowflake, that was my place in the group.

"Buy- but-but" He grunted.

"you fucking bastard" I moaned.

"NO! What? What are you going on about, fiend?" he shouted.

BUt it was to late. I knew what i heard. I ran back to my flat, stuck my dick in the toaster, and jumped into the bath. Aziraphale was banging on the door. I whipped and whepped cause I forgot to plug the toaster in so I was alll wet for nothing. Eyeliner streamed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my fece like Billy Elish in one of her videos (I thing the one about parties anyway Jesus likes Billie so I thought I put her in). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTE TO SMOKE pet. I got on a towel and exited the bathroom, handing angel the pot so he could forget about this too.

Suddenly URL came. She had appearated.

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily. Aziraphale stickered and I throw my towel at him. "What do you think you're doing here? This is a boys only zone."

Only it wasn't just Uriel. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Mr.Young or maybe Demon but it was Gabriel.

"Hey i need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his wanna be rich young money Kate Spades purse. "What are u wearing to the concert?"

"u no who VU r!?" I hissed, like snake, cause I was. 

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2" He said "Anyway Aziraphale has a surprise for u."

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**Chapter 20.**

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! I'm done. I'm finished. Eat my course cause I'm dead about this. I'm shaking in my boots. Stop flamin ok preps!1 fangz 2 jesus 4 da help as always!1 oh yah btw I'm going to Hell un vacation 4 da nex 3 daysz so dnot expect updatz

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All day I wonder what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a some-more eyeliner this time a creme based one, and I finally put on some clothes. A black pair of coleroys blank bell-sleeved blouse and a narly pair of combat boots cause I was feeling ready for war. VU was going 2 do the concert again, since shagwell had taken over the last one. I prayed to satan and watched them go unanswered as I turned on a Steve miller song in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on my door while I was trying on some other black clothing and moshing Fly like an Eagle. I gut all mad and turned it of, but scaredly I hoped inside dat it was Aziraphale so we could do the dew again. 

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Sandalphon! "R u gonna cum? Piss your pants and cry maybe?" I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Gabriel had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Metatron since he was an absolute hound dog. 

"NO, actshelly (r/comedygold) kan I plz burrow sum condemns."he groaned angrily. Why would he assume that I would have condoms? Because I fuck? That was awfully presumptuous. 

"Yah, so u can fuk ur luciferian necro girlfriend, you damn hetero?" I shouted starkassticaly. 

"Fucker." he said, gong away. What a insugnicifant plot development. It's almus lik he was here to pad the story. 

Well, anyway, I put on more and more eyeliner till I had rings around my eyes the circumference of tennis balls. Then I went. Den I gasped////////////////Sandalphon and metatron were in the empty hallway, doin it, and Ligur was watching it!1

"Oh my god you ludacris bastard!" the both shouted angrily when they saw me. Ligur ran away crying, tearing at his eyes to as if ridding them would also rid him of the traumatic event he just witnessed. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on _(I luv cing guyz do it I'm naturally lustfull and It fills my demonic heart with impure, vapid thoughts_ ) but both of them were ficking preps. (btw Metatron is on the bad side now cause I say so fuck you)

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I hissed sadistically. (c is spelled that rit dint by grammarly for nothing)

"Only you wouldn't give them to me! So I must now have toad aids." Metatron spoke angrly.

"Well you shoulda told me, I'd been happy to join - I mean oblige you" I replayed 

"You slut!" Sandalaphon began 2 shoot angrily. ANd then................. I took out my smartphone and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. Truely a couple of men in there natural state. 

"Well xcuse me, princess!" they bothe shouted angrilty. " What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. "So next time you feel compelled to spy on me, while I'm in the bath or doing it with MY BF you can't or I'll show this bad boy to Gagreel. So duck off, u bitches." I started to run. They chased me down the hall and around to the elevator but I was too fast for them and was being shot down to the lobby before they could reach the doors. Well, anyway, I went outside and there was Demon, looking extremely fucking hot. "WTF where'd Azira?" I asked him.

"Oh he's being an arse. He told me he wouldn't cum because what happened last time." Demon said shaking his head. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?"

Then............ he showed me his car. I gasped. It was a black car much like mine but way newer. He said his sugardaddy Hugh hefner got it for him. The license plate on the font sed VU123. The one on da back said 'D4M0N' on it. 

.............................................I gasped

We flew to the concert hall. Velvet underground were there already, playing, like they do. It not like they get paid to play or anything. 

Demon and I began 2 make out, moshing to the slow jazz of bass and tamorbine. I gasped again, looking at da band.

I creamed my shorts. Lou reed was so fucking hot! He gegan some song, but I wasn't listening, I heard someone crying behind me. I turned and saw Aziraphale, rushing out the door with tears in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have, in total, 268 Grammarly alerts on this page alone and there are still some spelling errors that slip through undetected so, just saying, it's been a mess. Can't wait to do this again tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't send me hate, again this is a parody of 'My Immortal', the worst fanfiction ever made. However, do tell me if you would like to see this continued cause my will to write this is only as strong as how many reviews I get from the preps. Kudo to be true gothikk.


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